Can You Be Intimate After the Fourth Date? - IDEAS

Can You Be Intimate After the Fourth Date?

 If you’ve recently started dating someone new, you might be wondering when it will be time for the relationship to progress intimately. Many people worry about timing with regard to sexual relationships. Some people may think that you should wait several months to let a bond develop, while others might become physically intimate after one or two dates. If you’re getting ready for your fourth date with someone special, then you could be thinking about whether tonight is going to be the special night.

There are many things you may want to consider before planning to become physically intimate with someone. Some people might be perfectly comfortable with the idea of intimacy after the fourth date. It can be beneficial to have a conversation with the person you are out with to figure out their expectations and see if you are on the same page. Deciding if it is the right time for you to take the next step in your relationship ultimately depends on personal expectations, desires, and what feels right between two people. Every relationship is different, and what may seem like the right time for one couple may not suit another. However, there may be some ways to tell whether you’re ready to take your relationship into the bedroom.

How Much Physical Affection Do You Show Each Other?

Before you think about progressing your relationship intimately, it may be helpful to consider how much physical affection you have been showing each other. If you’re expecting things to be intimate when you haven’t yet held hands, that may be a sign that you’re not ready. However, some couples are comfortable progressing to a sexual relationship without hitting certain relationship milestones first. If you're wondering whether you are both ready to be physically intimate, it may help to be aware of how much physical affection you show each other when hanging out and how often these signs of affection occur.

If you regularly kiss one another or regularly give each other physical affection, that is a good sign that you are developing greater physical intimacy. Every relationship moves at its own pace. Progressing to physical intimacy should feel natural and consensual. Not everyone wants to jump into a sexual relationship fast; so, taking things slow and talking about it may be helpful when you and/or the person you’re dating need time.


While some couples may feel completely comfortable being physically intimate on the first date, others may not. Every individual and relationship is different. If you’ve been on four dates with someone and are wondering whether it is time to become physically intimate, it may be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with the person you’re dating.

There are a lot of topics that can be important to cover when it comes to having a sexual relationship with a new partner. You may want to discuss birth control, sexual history, sexually transmitted diseases, or your expectations of the relationship. If you’re looking for a long-lasting relationship, it may help to talk to your partner about these topics so you both feel comfortable, protect yourselves, and stay on the same page about what you want from the partnership. Some individuals may want to have a casual relationship, while others may be looking for something more serious.

Remember, You Can’t Force Sex To Happen

It's important to remember that sex should always be consensual. Pressuring your partner to have sex is an abusive and unhealthy way of approaching an intimate relationship, and this type of behavior can have serious effects. You should always respect your partner’s wishes and wait until they are ready.

If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse in the form of sexual coercion, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline 24/7 at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)    

Intimacy is an important aspect of many relationships. If you and your partner are on different pages regarding intimacy, it is okay to decide to move forward strictly as friends. If one of you simply wants to move more slowly, you may decide it is worth it to wait a bit, especially if you seem to share a meaningful connection. By choosing to wait to have a sexual relationship, you may be able to build a strong bond between you that doesn’t revolve around only sex.

No matter what, ensuring you’re both comfortable with where the relationship is going sexually is incredibly important. Communicating your thoughts and feelings on the matter can help foster healthy intimacy going forward.

Relationship Counseling Is Available

If you're unsure where your relationship is going, or you’re facing challenges with intimacy or within your relationship, a relationship therapist may be able to help. ReGain is an online therapy platform specializing in relationships. A licensed therapist can help you to determine how to move forward while addressing issues that might be holding one or both of you back.

While physical intimacy may not be necessary for a relationship to grow, many individuals believe it is an important part of a romantic relationship. With a therapist you can work on developing an intimate bond safely, while learning about tools and strategies to work through any problems you may have and improve your relationship. Reaching out to an online therapist is simple and convenient — they’re always available to help you when you’re in need.

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